I'll Always Be Here...

I never imagined that a baby would show any signs of insecurity. I mean seriously, what do they have to be insecure about?

As I watch Sydney grow, she is 10 months now, she is learning and trying so many new things. For instance, walking with assistance. Sydney can walk around the table, the love seat and the couch with no hesitation. I watch her as she decides that she wants to try something different, something new. Freestyle walking. That is what I call it anyway.

Freestyle walking - to walk with no assistance. She thinks about doing this often, although she doesn't have the confidence to do so. The lack of confidence surprises me. Who has told her she can't do this? Is doubting yourself something we are born with?

As she lets go of the couch to take that first step, I can see her mind racing. I can see her hesitation. Maybe she's just scared? Unsure? I know she can do it and I want her to know this too. How do you reassure this little person who shouldn't have a doubt in the world about what she is capable of?

Sydney, we will always be here for you. When you fall, and trust us, you are going to fall. Don't ever let it stop you from pushing forward and moving ahead. You have nothing to be afraid of so shoot for the moon. Or at least take that very first step all by yourself. You can do it!

Cruising???

Why was it so difficult for Kristin and I to realize that our newborn who seemingly just turned into an official infant is now in Cruiser's-size diapers???

For those who don't know what a Cruiser is, it's Pamper's brand of diaper for the infants who are no longer in the Swaddler's diaper. To me, the word swaddle makes me think of a sweet, innocent little newborn or even an infant. The word Cruiser makes me think of a baby who is on the go, toddling around. Not our sweet, little baby! She can't be that big already!!!

I'm not sure how we're going to handle Sydney's growth spurts in the future but I will tell you, our breakdown in the Wal-Mart baby section was not pretty.

Heaven on Earth

Have you ever stopped to think about what your heaven on earth might be? Before I became a mom I had delusions of that I thought my heaven on earth would be. Perhaps swimming with dolphins (for longer than the alotted hour you pay for in Jamaica or any other vaction spots), whale watching, shark diving...basically anything that has to do with animals would have been my heaven on earth.

Today, now that I have an amazing, wonderful daughter I know what my heaven on earth is. My heaven on earth is looking into Sydney's beautiful blue eyes and seeing her happiness in them when she smiles back at me. My heaven on earth is hearing her giggle and talk when we have our quality time during diaper changing. My heaven on earth is being an overprotective, neurotic mom and checking to make sure she is breathing, or that she isn't too hot or too cold umpteen million times in the middle of the night. My heaven on earth is looking into her eyes during feeding time and receiving her coy, heartwarming smile in return. My heaven on earth is bath time! Oh the fun she has when she is completely naked and sucking on her hands while kicking her feet. My heaven on earth is listening to silly songs Kristin makes up (for instance, her dirty diaper song sung to the tune of Mama Mia) and hearing Sydney giggle at her "queen silly" mommy. My heaven on earth is going into our bedroom to pick Sydney up after her nap and seeing her face light up after she realizes we are there to care for her, pick her up, get her out of the d@mn miracle blanket. My heaven on earth is knowing that all of Sydney's extended family, her Aunt House, Aunt Laura, Aunt Jen, Aunt Cami and all of the other aunts and uncles, love her unconditionally and without reserve.

I'm happy to say I have found my heaven on earth...and I thank God every day for opening my eyes to the wonderful world of motherhood.