Perfect?

I often wonder if and when perfection is ever achieved. Well, let me clarify this statement; I used to wonder if perfection was at all possible. But then Sydney came into our lives.

Cheesy statement? Perhaps so. Nonetheless, it is a true and valid statement.

The other night I was reflecting on LBS (Life Before Sydney). I vaguely remember what that life was like. As I was thinking about it, I stopped to remember what I thought was my perfect baby. Boy or girl? I didn't really care. I literally prayed for a healthy, happy, full term baby. Beyond that, what was perfection in my imagination? I think it was brown hair, blue eyes. Athletic. Easy going. You know...the basic "perfect" adjectives.

My idea of perfection and what Sydney truly is, well I can tell you in all honesty that my image of the perfect baby/child did not hold a candle to what the Lord blessed us with. Sydney is a wonderful little girl. She is intelligent. Witty. Funny beyond words. I see some athleticism in her and I also see a love for music. Sydney can look at me and she has the ability to melt my heart. Never in my wildest dreams did I believe that super power was real.

So, as I pondered our LBS and what I thought was a perfect baby...I'm glad my perfect baby is the one we have now. Because in my minds eye, that baby doesn't compare to our Sydney Alice Rooney.

Play Date

Well, it is obvious I have been lagging in my attempt to blog our beautiful daughter's life. I'm sorry Sydney. I'm going to blog, starting with the most recent memories and I will work backwards until I feel satisfied that I have documented everything.

Sunday, April 3, 2011, we met with some friends,(Shana, Amy, Noah, Savannah & M.E.) at SM Park. At first Sydney was a bit stand-offish as she usually is now-a-days. Amy had bubbles which are the quickest way to get Sydney to become your pal. Sydney and I sat down with Amy on the ground and she played with the bubbles, and with Amy, for a very long time.

After bubbles, we went to the creek. Of course Sydney had to have the bubbles with her as she carried them under her arm. We followed behind the big kids, Noah, Savannah & M.E., and Sydney tried so hard to be a big kid. Her tiny, little toddler legs didn't allow her the speed to keep up. She did however keep an eye on everything they did. For instance, when Noah threw leaves into the water, Sydney picked up leaves (with one had because the bubbles were under her other arm) and mimicked his actions. We continued on our journey to the water. Savannah, Noah, & M.E. were playing in the water, throwing rocks and sticks into the creek. Big kid in a baby body had to do the same thing. This time she allowed me to put her bubbles into my pocket while she picked up rocks of every shape and size and threw them in the water. Then she slipped in the water and loved it!! Her little Keen's were soaked and a little muddy, along with her hands, the seat of her shorts, her shirt, and of course my shorts.

The big kids were off to explore the other side of the bridge and we're lagging behind. We get to where they are and learn that someone has lost a shoe. Dang!! Time to backtrack. Thank goodness we found her other Keen or else momma would have been in TROUBLE!! Back to the big kids...back to playing in the water, picking up rocks, squeezing the mud...good times. LUNCH TIME!

We all sat down to eat and enjoyed one another's company. (Thank you for sharing a hamburger with me Amy and Shana). Guess what time it is??? BUBBLES! Sydney walked back and forth between Kristin and myself (we were sitting on the opposite sides of the picnic table) showing us her amazing bubble blowing abililites. She's a GENIUS!

Savannah was playing with a playground ball which piqued Sydney's interest. I cannot say enough positive things about Miss Savannah. She and Syney played for over an hour and Savannah was so gentle and sweet! Sydney simply adored her.

Next came the discovery of DIRT! Sydney would bring Kristin and I dirt clods as she dug them up/found them. Then came sitting in the dirt and making a pile. Finally, the dirt was being put on her legs, and then quickly wiped off. Good times!!!

Thank you Ballard/Jenkins family for a wonderful day!
Sydney loved every second of our time together and she slept like a rock!

I'll Always Be Here...

I never imagined that a baby would show any signs of insecurity. I mean seriously, what do they have to be insecure about?

As I watch Sydney grow, she is 10 months now, she is learning and trying so many new things. For instance, walking with assistance. Sydney can walk around the table, the love seat and the couch with no hesitation. I watch her as she decides that she wants to try something different, something new. Freestyle walking. That is what I call it anyway.

Freestyle walking - to walk with no assistance. She thinks about doing this often, although she doesn't have the confidence to do so. The lack of confidence surprises me. Who has told her she can't do this? Is doubting yourself something we are born with?

As she lets go of the couch to take that first step, I can see her mind racing. I can see her hesitation. Maybe she's just scared? Unsure? I know she can do it and I want her to know this too. How do you reassure this little person who shouldn't have a doubt in the world about what she is capable of?

Sydney, we will always be here for you. When you fall, and trust us, you are going to fall. Don't ever let it stop you from pushing forward and moving ahead. You have nothing to be afraid of so shoot for the moon. Or at least take that very first step all by yourself. You can do it!

Heaven on Earth

Have you ever stopped to think about what your heaven on earth might be? Before I became a mom I had delusions of that I thought my heaven on earth would be. Perhaps swimming with dolphins (for longer than the alotted hour you pay for in Jamaica or any other vaction spots), whale watching, shark diving...basically anything that has to do with animals would have been my heaven on earth.

Today, now that I have an amazing, wonderful daughter I know what my heaven on earth is. My heaven on earth is looking into Sydney's beautiful blue eyes and seeing her happiness in them when she smiles back at me. My heaven on earth is hearing her giggle and talk when we have our quality time during diaper changing. My heaven on earth is being an overprotective, neurotic mom and checking to make sure she is breathing, or that she isn't too hot or too cold umpteen million times in the middle of the night. My heaven on earth is looking into her eyes during feeding time and receiving her coy, heartwarming smile in return. My heaven on earth is bath time! Oh the fun she has when she is completely naked and sucking on her hands while kicking her feet. My heaven on earth is listening to silly songs Kristin makes up (for instance, her dirty diaper song sung to the tune of Mama Mia) and hearing Sydney giggle at her "queen silly" mommy. My heaven on earth is going into our bedroom to pick Sydney up after her nap and seeing her face light up after she realizes we are there to care for her, pick her up, get her out of the d@mn miracle blanket. My heaven on earth is knowing that all of Sydney's extended family, her Aunt House, Aunt Laura, Aunt Jen, Aunt Cami and all of the other aunts and uncles, love her unconditionally and without reserve.

I'm happy to say I have found my heaven on earth...and I thank God every day for opening my eyes to the wonderful world of motherhood.

To labor or not to labor, that is the question...

It's 2:00 in the afternoon and I had just walked into the kitchen to warm up some soup. As I headed to the microwave a sudden gush (Webster's definition: "to emit a sudden copious flow") of fluid in my nether-region. Now I had just gone to the restroom as Peanut has the tendancy to sit on my bladder so I know what it wasn't. I was having no contractions that I felt so what could that have been???

I called Kristin to bother her yet again while she was at work to let her know what I was experiencing. "Call the doctor" was her calm, cool response. Of cours, call the doctor!!! I called and they suggested I go to the hospital to ensure that my amniotic fluid wasn't leaking. Okay, makes sense. We're going to the hospital to rule out a leak or rupture.

CRAP! We haven't packed our bags yet... We should have listened to Michele, our doula and everyone else who may have mentioned something about packing a bag. Okay...what to pack, what to pack? Where is that dang list?

Suitcase is out, birth "plan" is printing...awww shoot my mom is here to pick up Abby. How can I play this off???? I'll just let her know I'm taking a study break. Why is Kristin on her way home...think Einhorn, think! She's working the rest of the day from home! Yeah, that's the ticket! Apparently I did a pretty good job since she hung out for a little bit then headed home.

Mom has left, Kristin is home, bags are still not packed...jeez how difficult can it be? Seriously!!!

Finally, we're on our way. I'm driving because I'm still able to so am I in labor? I don't have a freakin' clue! We arrive at the hospital, park, walk in and head to the second floor to get checked in. I get sent into the hottest room in L&D triage, put on the bare all hospital gown and the monitoring begins. Apparently I AM having contractions but I'm not really feeling them. The fluid isn't amniotic fluid and I'm free to leave. Sure, it sounds like I was in and out, but not really. We were at the hospital for a couple of hours at least.

Funny thing though, while we were in triage, Kristin and I were discussing how I had been inadvertently telling everyone I was due on the 12th. Plus we got pinged on Laura's Facebook about wondering where her niece or nephew was. Sandee also asked, so did Sara, Cami, Whitney, Melissa...the list is long. We laughed a lot once we shared with each other how many of our friends inquired about Peanut.

Home again, home agin...jigitty jig. I'm not in labor, I'm not leaking amniotic fluid, and my contractions aren't painful....yet.

Keep the good, positive thoughts coming.

Love, K (squared) & Peanut

Crop circles...or Helpful Hint #2

So yesterday evening I decided it was time to do some yard work per say. Now when I say yard work I mean on a personal level. I like to think I'm not the only person who keeps things cleaned up in the nether-regions so because I'm a giver, I'm going to share with you what NOT to do when you are pregnant.

Rule #1 - once you get to the point in pregnancy where you can't see over your belly, DO NOT attempt any clean up effort in that region of your body...even if you think you know what you are doing by feel.
Rule #2 - if you have a partner who is willing to assist, take them up on the offer. Don't be proud!
Rule #3 - Just don't do it...ever.

Here's my story...my trial by fire if you will. I'm apparently going through some nesting phase at this point in my pregnancy. Apparently this means nesting in all aspects of my life. My thought is I want to be fairly cleaned up during labor, no '70's bush for me!! I pulled out the clippers and even though I can no longer see down south, I had the big idea that I could pull a little Helen Keller (no offense) and trim by feel. So I proceeded to trim by feel and felt incredibly proud at my blind success so to speak. However, when I looked in the mirror and saw the real product of my attempt, I realized just how bad it was.

The exasperated "Ahhh h*ll!" brought Kristin running back to the bathroom. She found me looking at myself in the mirror, holding my belly up to bask in my glory, to enjoy my work of art. All of a sudden my love, my partner, my go to person was doubled over and laughing hysterically. "It looks like a crop circle!!!" I exclaimed as I busted out in laughter and wondered how to fix my failed attempt at trimming.

A friend offered an idea for the future on what she did when she was pregnant. Sure, it makes sense now to do it that way. I could have layed down in the tub and practiced some abs at the same time as I cleaned up the nether region but remember, if I hadn't attempted to trim my way then you wouldn't have a what NOT to do list.

I'm a giver!!!

Love, Kim & the Peanut!

Wow...

Wow...those are the only words that came to my mind on Saturday when we walked into the anniversary party/peanut shower. How could everything come together to make Saturday one of the most perfect days in the entire world?
What was probably the most amazing part of the entire evening was the turnout. Who knew that we had so many people who love and care for us and would take time out of their lives to celebrate with us?
We had family drive in from Oklahoma, friends fly in from the south and many more friends who live in the city stop by to celebrate with us and share in our excitement of our upcoming arrival. Friends and family planned via email, phone and whatever other means of communication they chose to help make this party a huge success. The food was amazing, the cakes were perfect and apparently the beer and wine was good too. I'm still in awe. Everyone was amazing for coming together to make it as wonderful as it ended up being.
My big plan to give a speech about my thankfulness to everyone for being a part of this journey was thwarted...mostly due to my hormones which caused me to cry as soon as I got the first three words out. Sure, I'm going to blame my hormones. All my friends know that I am not a sensitive person who has a bladder behind my eyes. I hide that very well.
In my head, this is what is I wanted to say, sort of. "Thank you everyone for taking time out of your busy schedules to come and celebrate today with us. There are some of you who have been a part of this journey since the beginning and others we were fortunate to befriend along the way. Regardless of the length of time that we have known you we want to thank you all for your love and support along the way. We look forward to sharing our new addition, Peanut, with you all and would love it if you were a part of his/her life. Thank you and we love you all very much."
So how difficult is that??? Geez...I'm such a sissy. ;o)

For everyone who has traveled along this path with us, we love you all more than words can express. Thank you for being a part of our lives.

Kim, Kristin and Peanut

Anger = Accomplishments

So I have to start off by saying I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE watching Peanut move. At first it was so freaky to see my belly move (yes, of course it reminded me of Aliens -all of them). I wonder what s/he is doing... We know in what position it is lying in my belly - head down, back running up my left-side. Peanut's had the hiccups a lot lately and that makes me laugh...and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I can't wait to meet him/her. October 14th is right around the corner!!!! Dr. Johnson is out of town the weekend of the 17th, so as far as I'm concerned, Peanut will NOT be arriving then. On time or a bit early is good for me! During the week too - that way we know Dr. J should be on call.

Apparently yesterday I woke up in a bad mood, although I didn't think so. Kristin and I had a disagreement before she left for work and it completely ruined my day. Miscommunication just s*ck!!! Regardless, I got a lot done around the house. Little things that have been looming really. I tried to put the new bookcase that I broke together with the new parts but they failed to send one part. I drug the 4-drawer file cabinet up the stairs. Yes, it was pretty difficult but trust me, I had enough pent up anger to get it up there a few time. After that I went out to start the yard and noticed that some tree branches needed trimming. Out came the saw and ladder and I cut lots of branches down and drug them to the back of the yard to the shrub pile/bunny rabbit house/deer feeding area. After that I cleaned up the yard and mowed it. By the time it was all said and done I was exhausted and had to take a nap!!! This weekend our to-do list will be shortened. We have to put up Peanut's blind in the room and put together the hutch. Also wash the windows and window covering on the main level.

Kristin and I are meeting at the gym in a few minutes. I'm looking forward to it because in this trimester Peanut is supposed to gain LOTS of weight. I would prefer it only be Peanut and not me as I have received numerous comments that I don't look like I'm due in October. I would prefer to stay that way so post-partum isn't as tough as it could be in regards to getting back into shape.

Have a great day!!!

Kim & Peanut

Helpful Hint #1

I have been pondering in my head whether to post this blog or not as some may not want to hear it. Well...too bad. Consider it a helpful hint or what not to do when you get pregnant and have an annoying dog who is incredibly persistent about playing catch.

Let's just start out the story by stating a fact. I am getting used to the whole new 'pregnant body' and while it's not my favorite shape I am starting to be "at peace" with it. The larger breasts, the full and seemingly round tummy that is taking shape is freaking me out a bit. I'm not looking forward to the day where I am unable to see my feet. I hope to take that day in stride, but no promises.

So as many of you know we have a sweet, precious devil-dog named Keefer. Keefer has an addiction, he must have his yellow rubber ball at all times. It's either in his mouth or in the vicinity where he is sitting, standing, lying down or eating. If we're in the bathroom (his special one-on-one room) using the facilities, he brings it to the door and rolls it to our feet with his nose. We learned the hard way that shower time was no time to play ball with the big, black devil.

One morning I had just finished showering and I was in the bedroom getting ready. I was half dressed, the bottom half, when Keefer thought it was the ideal time to play. He would roll me the ball, I would throw it. A game of fetch ensued. Well, Keefer got a little excited and rolled the ball under the bed. GRRR. Dangit Keefer!! Somehow by the grace of God, I slowly, and by no means gracefully, got down on my hands and knees in search of Keefer's most adored toy. I made the mistake of not having a bra or shirt on yet. When I say mistake, trust me on this. Here I am, on all fours searching under the bed for this d@mn ball when all of a sudden I notice two severely disproportioned bag-like things hanging from my chest. What the h*ll!!! What are these?? Whose are these?? For the love of God where did they come from??

I have two incredibly elongated breasts hanging from my chest. Why God, why?? Where are my old breasts? Will they ever return? How can a human being look so much like a heifer who has ginormous udders?? Is this what pregnancy is all about?

I made the mistake of calling out to my partner and soul mate for reassurance. "Is this for real?" I cried out? Between fits of laughter and tears from the fits of laughter she reassured me that I was still beautiful. There was no cause for concern or fear.

Now ladies, if you're pregnant and happen to have an annoying dog, may I suggest one thing? Get rid of the ball or never, ever, no matter what get down on all fours with no bra or shirt on to search for something (especially your dogs ball). It's not pretty and trust me, you'll never look at yourself without thinking of cattle.

24 Weeks old!!!

How do you say happy birthday to something that hasn't been born yet. For 24 weeks I've been trying to figure out a phrase to congratulate the Peanut for his/her weekly milestone. Nothing has really pleased me...

So yesterday I was working and I have a binder on my tummy to refer to. All of a sudden I felt a flutter in my belly and I SWEAR that that flutter made my binder move. Seriously!!!

I'm going to digress a bit to the whole birth 'plan' post from before.

So I looked up the definition of plan. Merriam-Webster online says the definition of 'plan' is 1: a drawing or diagram drawn on a plane: as a: a top or horizontal view of an object b: a large-scale map of a small area 2 a: a method for achieving an end b: an often customary method of doing something : procedure c: a detailed formulation of a program of action d: goal, aim3: an orderly arrangement of parts of an overall design or objective4: a detailed program (as for payment or the provision of some service)

Based on that definition and the fact that EVERYONE says we need a 'plan' but that this 'plan' is going to more than likely CHANGE...I have decided to call it our 'Birth Idea'. Apparently a true 'plan' is out of the question.

OH!!! I don't think I ever signed up for the whole belly button is going to change shapes! What in the world is THAT all about??? Holy Moly. How did I find this out you might ask. Well, oddly enough I was washing my belly and obviously the button is part of the belly washing. My finger went in and all of a sudden it didn't feel like MY belly button anymore. It's a foreign hole in the middle of my fast-growing belly. So now the question I ask myself is this, will my belly button ever be my belly button again?

When people told us life was going to change...they weren't kidding!!!

A Birthing Plan....yeah right

Are you people serious?? You want us to come up with a birthing plan??? I can hardly plan my day yet it seems that having a birthing plan is the way to go.

Let's go through the idea of a birthing plan. We have to have a bag ready. Okay, I can see how that will come in handy. Throw a pair of undies and a bra that no longer fits into a bag. Makes sense. The hospital will provide an outfit or two right? But we have to pack for a bundle of joy that isn't here yet. So we're supposed to know what the Peanut is going to need? I know a diaper...duh. I have heard of people who buy special "coming home" outfits. Yeah...I doubt that is going to be part of our birth plan. So a onesie (is that how you spell that????) and a dress if it's a girl and a football uniform if its a boy. Got it. Do they make shoulder pads that small? I'm certain a mini helmet will fit won't it?

Also, we're supposed to know what route we're going to take to the hospital. Why is that important to me? I'm not driving! I'll probably be pointing out every little thing the driver isn't doing right in my expert opinion but I won't be driving...at least I hope I won't be.

What else have they said about this wonderful idea of a "PLAN"? Oh....make a plan but allow for some leaway. Then what's the point in a plan??!??!! My idea of a plan is my idea. Why should I have to allow for changes in my/our plan??? Changes to my plan is going to make childbirth that much more painful. Oh the joy....

Its been too long...

Sorry for the delay in blogging. It seems that Chemistry, Lab and work have become the number one priority in life these days. 7 weeks left...I hope I can make it.

Wednesday we met with our doulah, Jordan to get a high level overview of her philosophy, etc. We knew we wouldn't be disappointed and of course we were not. Jordan seems to have thought of everything that we wanted to ask but didn't think about asking. She will be with us during delivery and will wear whatever hat she needs to to ensure things go the way we want when Peanut decides to arrive in the world. We are very excited to be working with her.

Friday we toured Research Hospital's Labor and Delivery unit and I think we were impressed with their new digs. They have a Level 3 NICU (God forbid we'd have to use it) but that seems to be a little more reassuring for Kristin and myself. They also have this cool VIP package that would allow us to receive a larger room, food for Kristin whenever I received food as well as some other niceties. We are probably going to 'upgrade' to that if we choose Research as our delivery hospital.

Saturday we are going to tour NKC hospital and see what they have to offer us. We have an 11:00 appointment and are walking in the Relay for Life on Friday night/Saturday morning. Needless to say I may be tired and grumpy. :o) I think I know which hospital we want to go to but we' re keeping our options open until all of the tours are complete.

Until later...take care

I'm 20 weeks old today!!!

As promised, here are my most recent pictures...this is a side view of me and my head is to the right of the frame. If you look you can see my spine too. While my pictures were being taken I moved around a lot. In fact one of my favorite positions was to lay with one or both of my arms draped over my head. VERY comfortable. Doesn't it look like I'm blowing bubbles too?
I'm officially 'half-baked' and I weigh 7 ounces give or take an ounce or two. The doctor said I was doing well....YEAH!!!

Below is a picture of my foot...can you see it??? It's at the top in the middle of the image. I also like to hold on to my foot with one hand when I'm hanging out. It's another comfortable position for me.

The third picture is similar to the first one only this time I think you can see my profile a little better.

I can't wait to meet you all...please keep up the prayers and good thoughts for me.

Whew, what a relief...Peanut's 20-week appointment went really well. Our sonogram showed that h/she had 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 functioning kidneys, a good, strong heartbeat, a normal head....you name it, it seems that his/her development is going well. Peanut is weighing in at a whopping 7 ounces (give or take an ounce or two). The heartbeat according to the sono was around 139 beats per minute. Its lower than the last two doppler's registered but according to the doc its still well within the normal range. During the sonogram, Peanut seemed to be laying with one and sometimes both arms draped over his/her head. There's a lot of movement but I'm not feeling much, at least I don't think I am. My placenta is a little low right now and in 5 weeks (thanks to RB being in the Phillipines) we will have another sono to ensure the placenta moves away from my cervix. Pictures will be posted (if I can figure out how to post them) soon...
OH! I almost forgot - Peanuts due date is now October 14th instead of the 15th. If this keeps up he/she will be earlier than we have ever thought about being.

Are you serious....week 20 already???

So the growing Kastilooney family has reached 20 weeks and that means the Peanut is half-baked. (We'll be at 20 weeks on Thursday). Tomorrow we have our checkup and have a sonogram or ultrasound, I'm not sure which one we're going to have. This is the checkup where families who want to find out the sex of the baby are able to. Of course we have chosen not to find out Peanut's sex so that means we're going with fun, neutral colors.



Peanut's room - formerly known as the spare bedroom is a disaster area. We have removed the bed and roll top desk that used to live there. Now there are numerous piles of clothes to donate, trash to throw away, documents to go through, papers to shred and boxes to remove. My plan is to start working on that again today, when I get home from Costco and before work.



I'd like to go for a bike ride as my time is quickly passing before I'm no longer allowed on a bike. Apparently my OB/Gyn doesn't know my catlike balance and has suggested that after 20-weeks I shouldn't ride. I'd also like to go to the driving range or play 9-holes of golf - something before school starts this summer. Lots of things I'd 'like to do' and lots of things I'd 'like to get accomplished' - where does the time go???