Helpful Hint #1

I have been pondering in my head whether to post this blog or not as some may not want to hear it. Well...too bad. Consider it a helpful hint or what not to do when you get pregnant and have an annoying dog who is incredibly persistent about playing catch.

Let's just start out the story by stating a fact. I am getting used to the whole new 'pregnant body' and while it's not my favorite shape I am starting to be "at peace" with it. The larger breasts, the full and seemingly round tummy that is taking shape is freaking me out a bit. I'm not looking forward to the day where I am unable to see my feet. I hope to take that day in stride, but no promises.

So as many of you know we have a sweet, precious devil-dog named Keefer. Keefer has an addiction, he must have his yellow rubber ball at all times. It's either in his mouth or in the vicinity where he is sitting, standing, lying down or eating. If we're in the bathroom (his special one-on-one room) using the facilities, he brings it to the door and rolls it to our feet with his nose. We learned the hard way that shower time was no time to play ball with the big, black devil.

One morning I had just finished showering and I was in the bedroom getting ready. I was half dressed, the bottom half, when Keefer thought it was the ideal time to play. He would roll me the ball, I would throw it. A game of fetch ensued. Well, Keefer got a little excited and rolled the ball under the bed. GRRR. Dangit Keefer!! Somehow by the grace of God, I slowly, and by no means gracefully, got down on my hands and knees in search of Keefer's most adored toy. I made the mistake of not having a bra or shirt on yet. When I say mistake, trust me on this. Here I am, on all fours searching under the bed for this d@mn ball when all of a sudden I notice two severely disproportioned bag-like things hanging from my chest. What the h*ll!!! What are these?? Whose are these?? For the love of God where did they come from??

I have two incredibly elongated breasts hanging from my chest. Why God, why?? Where are my old breasts? Will they ever return? How can a human being look so much like a heifer who has ginormous udders?? Is this what pregnancy is all about?

I made the mistake of calling out to my partner and soul mate for reassurance. "Is this for real?" I cried out? Between fits of laughter and tears from the fits of laughter she reassured me that I was still beautiful. There was no cause for concern or fear.

Now ladies, if you're pregnant and happen to have an annoying dog, may I suggest one thing? Get rid of the ball or never, ever, no matter what get down on all fours with no bra or shirt on to search for something (especially your dogs ball). It's not pretty and trust me, you'll never look at yourself without thinking of cattle.